she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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