Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
