its not stalking. its research.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
