I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
