probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
