Swine flu. Run for my life!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Come on in and take your pants off
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
