Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
