I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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