he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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