This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
