wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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