is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
