genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
