You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
