my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
