Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So vagazzling was a success
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
