I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
