woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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