In the future we'll all be gay
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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