Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
