Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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