Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
