I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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