I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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