Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
