Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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