I'm eating all of the evidence.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
