I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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