I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
