god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
are you so shy because you have an std?
He passed out mid-signature
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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