Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
