is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
