I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
