yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I touched a dick in church today
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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