ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
