I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
