road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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