apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
