Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
