I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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