Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i already hear my dad disowning me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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