i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
