I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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