I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
