ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
