The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
