I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
