JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
