My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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