i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
