Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
