Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
