just come out here and I will go home with you...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
