you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
