Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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