Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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