oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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