mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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