There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
