Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
