i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
