I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
