i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
