'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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