Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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