Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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