Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
