Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
worst night to have a conscience
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
