Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
