i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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