thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
