i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I need to stop coming to work sober
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
