Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
